In defense of gatekeeping

not everything has to shared with everyone

Thanks to the internet gatekeeping has become a wildly touchy subject. Oversharing is on the rise under the guise of inclusivity. Particularly for women, you are maybe even seen as a bitch if you keep something to yourself. Let’s talk about it.

It fascinates me that we think we are owed all the details about someone all the time when we follow them on social media. Many people choose to share every single part of their lives online but does that mean we deserve that from every person we follow? Pure transparency 100% of the time? Every link, brand, product, shoe, restaurant, vacation spot or vintage shop? etc.. etc.. etc…

Sharing your life and interests online is a choice. And how much you choose to share is also a choice. But I’m particularly interested in how it relates to the decline of personal style and the crazy trend cycles we are seeing now. There is so much magic in being a bit mysterious. I find myself wondering about the people who I follow who are doing their own thing and living a more private life. Or better yet, the people who are not on social media at all. There’s so much allure to that and I really respect it.

I follow some influencers with large followings who not only link every piece of clothing they wear every day but also link the dupes. I don’t think there’s anything necessarily wrong with it- sometimes I even feel like they are doing the Lord’s work?? I link things on here and maybe some similar versions at different price points. But I cannot deny that it freaks me out when I’m walking around Los Angeles or New York to a sea of lookalikes because we all clicked the same link on that cute influencers story. We would be silly to not acknowledge the downside to sharing everything all the time.

There was a time when we didn’t know the details of anyones lives except our family and inner circle. We were forced to draw creativity from places other than the internet. Celebrities were mysterious, influencers were non-existent, individuality was at its peak, really. I miss how quiet it was. When the details of someone’s life or outfit weren’t thrown in our faces daily. It was actually easier to get dressed. Because you weren’t thinking about anyone else. You weren’t comparing your outfit or budget or taste. You were just wearing what you want and had no choice but to be yourself. It was real and less fixated on a trend. We shopped less. We cared less. We were more content. It was more authentic.

It’s hard to keep up now. The trend cycle is faster than it’s ever been before. Pieces, brands, styles, and products catch on like wildfire. One week everyone’s obsessed with something and the next it’s over and out. Onto the next. It’s sad really. The overconsumption. The lack of creativity and thoughtfulness. The way we are throwing our money away to dress exactly like someone else. But only for a moment. Because it doesn’t last and the algorithm changes daily.

There’s a balance to gatekeeping. If you wear something unique or have a favorite vintage store- you don’t owe anyone all the details if you don’t want to. It’s ok to keep some things to ourselves. To be a little mysterious and have our own taste and personal style. I love sharing my favorite things. But I also leave some things a cute little secret. AND THAT’S OK :)))))

There’s a lot of power in flying under the radar and being low-key. The Olsens are incredibly well-dressed and interesting. Zero social media presence. Almost no interviews. All we have are some mysterious pap photos of them looking incredibly chic smoking a cigarette on the streets of New York. Fan accounts are desperately trying to ID their outfits. Their instagram page is mostly dedicated to artwork and references rather than their actual collections. The Row rarely dresses celebrities. They’ve prioritized a brand identity that doesn’t depend on appealing to the masses or pop culture. There is a reason fashion people love them and love the brand, their personal style and the mystery that surrounds them- they leave us wondering.

When it comes down to it, I just want to look and feel like myself. And if that includes a little dose of gatekeeping that’s ok. Fashion has felt less and less interesting to me as time goes on. I can count on one hand the people I follow who seem to have real personal style. Instead of feeling inspired by the internet I’ve felt slightly suffocated by it. And I’ve wondered if others feel the same.

I’ll never hate on gatekeeping. Some things are better left unsaid and unlinked. Your style hacks and favorite things can stay sacred if you want them to. So gatekeep or don’t. No medals will be handed out either way. Copying is not bad… it’s just sometimes… the easy way out. Carving your own path and taste is more work… but oh so rewarding.

x

Syd