The most captivating moments for me are when I encounter someone or something extraordinary in real life and find myself wondering about them. Maybe it’s my instinct to romanticize everything, but I genuinely enjoy not having all the details. What has the age of hyper-access done to our creativity, individuality, and thoughtfulness? With the internet, we’re just a few clicks away from replicating someone’s entire persona, right down to their outfit or morning routine. In some ways, I feel like it's making us… dumber? Why exercise individuality or strengthen personal style when you can simply download someone else’s blueprint? What unnerves me is how comforting many people find this idea- a quick google search, a little DIY help from ChatGPT. Being “creative” now demands almost nothing from us.
Remember when celebrities were illusive and mysterious? All we had were ‘90s, grainy paparazzi shots in People magazine. Now, celebrity culture is so omnipresent and meticulously curated by stylists, publicists, and managers that it feels sterile. It’s an illusion- one we’re constantly fed, leaving no room for genuine intrigue.
This is why we’re still mesmerized by the Olsens decades later. Their allure lies not just in their extreme privacy but also in their authenticity- they’re self-styled. It’s every fashion lover’s favorite mystery. Fan accounts tirelessly dissect their looks, trying to decode their personal taste, which is undeniably good. Part of their appeal is the originality; the other part is all of the unknown. We only see small pieces, leaving us wanting more.
You know the thrill of dating someone new, when they’re still a complete question mark in your head? It’s exciting and fun because you haven’t figured them out yet. That curiosity fuels connection. But it’s hard to feel curious about anyone when you can do a quick scroll through their social media- an entirely cherry-picked version of reality that we have somehow convinced ourselves is genuine. We’ve traded depth and real conversations for surface-level familiarity and texting, and in doing so, we’ve become lazy. Mystery has been replaced with instant answers, and our imaginations have atrophied.
Original thought is on the decline. Our relationships have become a cheap version of what they once were. Reduced to bite-sized interactions. We’ve forgotten that we are capable of so much more: thoughtfulness, meaningful relationships, imagination, and creative independence. I could go on about what the internet has ruined but instead, I’ll remind you how romantic mystery is.
I daydream about the small mysterious pieces of my life. The words left unsaid. The ones that got away. Fleeting moments with strangers at the grocery store. The parts of people that I don’t understand but want to. My favorite places and things I’ll never share with anyone. Emotions I can’t pinpoint. There’s something deeply satisfying about not needing to label or explain everything- about simply leaving things unknown. Mystery allows us to wonder, imagine, and savor.
Do we need to live in constant mystery? No. But it’s worth pausing to remember the quiet anonymity of the pre-internet era, when we weren’t inundated with the world’s thoughts and feelings at every turn. It was peaceful not knowing. Let them wonder about you.
HOW TO BE MYSTERIOUS (AND RESPECT MYSTERY)
Get off the internet. The grid for that matter. Move to a remote cabin in the woods.
Or maybe just delete instagram/ take BREAKS. It’s SO good for your brain. There is a reason why there is an immediate allure to people who are off social media. It screams “I don’t care what people think or what others are doing and I’m busy doing interesting things”. Hot!
Say less. The most interesting people in the room are the quiet ones. I go home and wonder about them!!!!!!!!!
Find a hobby. Stay busy with things you actually *enjoy*.
Admire chic people without copying them. Pocket it away as thoughtful. Go home and be thoughtful too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You’re creative!
Resist the urge to curate how you’re perceived online. Are you enjoyable to hangout with in real life?
Resist the urge to think you know who someone is based on how you’ve perceived them online. It’s a slice of their reality.
Let art and style speak for themselves. They don’t need to be explained or understood-just enjoyed.
Spend time alone. Spend time with good people. Spend time in nature. Travel. Eat good food. Read a book. Visit a museum. Find inspiration outside of a screen. Screens are making us WEAK.
Be kind, warm, interested in others. In our self-obsessed culture, a hint of genuine sweetness is the ultimate mystery.
Protect your personal style and what you love. Real personal style, separate from trends, is soooo mysterious.
Don’t be overly accessible to everyone in your life or on Instagram. There’s a fine line between oversharing and sincerity. Oversharing is the death of mystery.
x
Syd
If you enjoyed reading this, here's part 2 : Have You Forgotten How To Be Curious?
https://sydengelhart.substack.com/p/have-you-forgotten-how-to-be-curious?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web
When I said I miss mystery, it resonated with many. And on the flip side, I’ve started to ask— do we wonder enough about others? Are we curious enough to ask real questions? To move beyond surface-level interactions? To show value and respect for someone through interest? To actually pursue connection, instead of just proximity?
Yes to all of the above. I’ve been increasingly detached from social media over the years and have replaced it with more reading (the OG hobby of the sexy and mysterious), handwriting letters, making art, and even decided to go back to school bc of the time it freed up for me. Studying for 2 hrs per day > social media. And that decision was also fueled by last year when I heard someone say “don’t confuse marketing with education” which explains why people are duller than ever. Nobody knows where I work except my few closest friends. Or where I get my favorite pastry. My life feels like it’s really, truly mine. In the age of cheap oversharing (and the pressure to do so) privacy feels like a type of wealth that feels so good to give yourself. And the irony is it’s the only type of wealth you can’t flex online… or, rather, the flex is done by not flexing at all.